you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize