sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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