u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
