I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
