god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
