Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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