i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
