at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
