The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize