Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize