when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
