I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
