Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
