We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
