i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
