I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize