eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
