Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
MIDGETS
????
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
