I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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