Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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