im six kinds of drunk right now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
