worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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