I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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