I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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