if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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