When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize