Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
