Pappa wants mamma naked
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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