Your mouth is God's brothel.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
