dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
