I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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