i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize