That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
