Pappa wants mamma naked
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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