i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
