what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
