somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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