we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
