There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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