Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
