if i can run in heels then i can drive
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
