dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
