You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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