could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
