i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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