i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
