so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize