I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
