you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
