is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
