im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
