I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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