Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
