Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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