Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
