this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
