when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize