I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
