Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize