i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
