You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
