Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
