Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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