btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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