Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
