Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
