3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I smell stomach acid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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