I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
