you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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