When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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