she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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