She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
