I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
