Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
