what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
