it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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