Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
