well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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