I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
