The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
