u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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