my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
