I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
