She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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