he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
