you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
