please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
