We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
