Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
