I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
