Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
