I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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