omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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