You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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