Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize