Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
