I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
