i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
