what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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