at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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