whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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