For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
