The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
