Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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