As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how does that bad decision feel?
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