They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
