1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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