Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
