Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
