Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
