walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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