I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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