The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
