Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
