Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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